Shouting spite or spouting shite?

"Lame-arsed, flat productions with all the bollocks of a eunuch..."

I've just written my most negative and scathing review ever (click here to read the full review).

While there have been other occasions in the past when I've been critical I've never been this angry, vitriolic and downright negative. Why? Because most music is average, not genre shatteringly brilliant or so awful you want to pour molten lead into your ears. And as a 'critic' its surely my job to write a fair portrayal of an album, single or gig or whatever it is? If it's average, it's down to me to weigh up the pros and cons and sum them up, in as entertaining and colourful a way as possible of course (bland music should NOT result in bland writing!).

Some reviewers/critics clearly beg to differ though. In a vain (i.e. narcissistic) attempt to add 'edge' or 'personality' to an article, some hacks feel the need to write a black or white review about something which is decidedly grey. The end results vary from scathing acidic streams of swear-word crammed spite or arse-licking sugar coated statements of sickening, undying love.

There's nothing wrong with loving or hating something but if you have to bend the truth to pretend you actually give a toss either way, surely that results in distorted, unfair reviewing?

The worst cases are when a journalist is so desperate for their review to scream 'look at me' that they actually forget to mention what they are reviewing or offer any insight into it, instead opting for shouting and screaming and swearing at the the top of their voices in an attempt to get themselves a job or at least appear they're as spiky and off the scale as their high maintenance haircuts.

For examples of ranting reviews that don't actually review a thing, look no further than The Fly magazine, which seems to specialise in the art.

So I may have written a hugely negative album review but it genuinely was that shit! In my opinion anyway...

Useless music fact #11: Liam Gallagher's solo effort is set for release by July 2010. So Oasis minus the brains equals what exactly? The man who owes Ian Brown and Tim Burgess thousands in image rights payments has never been known for being 'the creative one has he? This is a useless music fact as all signs seem to point to the fact that the music will indeed be useless. Prove us wrong our kid!

Originally posted on http://blog.ianroullier.com on 30 January 2010.

Particular or pretentious?

Writing about electronic music and interviewing artists that produce it seems to be a relatively ego-free experience, thankfully.

Perhaps it's the lack of 'the frontman' who feels the need to assert his authority, attitude or personality at every given opportunity. Maybe it's the fact that electronic musicians are masters of their own sonic universe, creating every sound on their recordings meaning there is less room for paranoia and fear about having to prove themselves the big man (or woman) at every opportunity and giving it some 'rock and roll attitude'.

This is a mass generalisation of course but in all the years I've been writing about music, I've only come across difficult characters on a few occasions. I often do phone interviews on my mobile which involves an audible beep every 30 seconds. I always explain why to the interviewee and apologise for it and all bar one interviewee has been fine with it.

He happened to be the frontman of a long forgotten (and never really remembered in the first place) indie band. "Can't you stop that fucking beeping?!" he said. To which my answer was a simple, "No, sorry." I explained the beep beforehand but it obviously wasn't something he could stomach in his rock and roll world.

Perhaps the beep is more acceptable to electronic artists as they spend their lives creating beeps of their own? Who knows. That's not to say I haven't come across difficult interviewees in dance music however... more of which on my next blog.

Useless music fact(s) #7: Chrissie Hynde of The Pretenders (who was once in a band tastefully called The Moors Murderers with Steve Strange who went on to do vocals for Visage) was once married to Jim Kerr of Simple Minds fame. The very same man who was one of Patsy Kensit's candidates for 'Musical Man Of The Moment I Must Marry' (which has so far taken in Gary Kemp from Spandau Ballet (just a fling), Dan Donovan of Big Audio Dynamite (marriage), Jim Kerr, Liam Gallagher (marriage) and one-time superstar DJ, Jeremy Healy (married)). Jim has kids with both Chrissie and Patsy while Chrissie also has a daughter fathered by Ray Davies of The Kinks. Ray and Chrissie have teamed up again this year on Ray's 'Postcard From London' Christmas song. Patsy is meanwhile hoping to marry someone in music more famous than she's currently married to, probably. Well, it's easy than resurrecting her own pop career.

Originally posted on http://blog.ianroullier.com on 5 November 2009.