Meeting Ince

Lee Valley - No sign for the Magic Wood?

Having allowed the non-stop deadline pressure that comes with freelancing, and my lack of a mental off switch, take its toll on me over the past few years, I finally decided that it was time to take a proper break. Without the funds to disappear on a round-the-world trip, I decided to do some exploring closer to home in Cheshunt, where I had moved with my wife at the end of last year.

Luckily, I have Lee Valley Regional Park on my doorstep, all 26 miles and 20,000 acres of it. Having spotted a wooded hilltop when walking in the park with friends recently, my curiosity told me that it was now time to go for a nice wander and explore it.

After about 90 minutes of marching around the winding paths and waterways, I was so close to the woods I could almost smell them. Google Maps (which told me it was called Galleyhill Wood) had suggested I walk along B194 but I decided cross-country was better, wisely I thought. However, following a cycle path saw me overshoot the wood and somehow I still ended up on the B194.

The B194 is a road with absolutely no footpaths and speeding vans and trucks hurtling in both directions. But I was determined to reach the promised land so I kept diving into gaps in the hedge to avoid being hit. Some people waved at me gratefully (having me smeared across their windscreen may have been a bit of a day-changer) while one van driver beeped his horn, perhaps at me, perhaps to alert other people up ahead.

Then, on a blind bend I looked behind me and saw a truck speeding towards me, I looked ahead and saw another truck speeding towards me so I dived back into the hedgerow. Now I had a choice. 10 more minutes of white knuckle, near-death experiences involving large metal objects or try to attempt to get through the hedgerow.

Thankfully there was a telegraph pole behind me, which meant the hedgerow was less thick at that point. Thorns stuck in my hands as I bent branches back to create a gap. Then manmade, barbed wire thorns scratched and cut my hands as I tried to create a space to launch myself through.

Initially, I tried to put me leg over the barbed wire fence and got some rusty little spikes in my leg. So plan B it was. I decided to put my flimsy jacket on for protection and to crawl on my belly underneath the barbed wire, assault course-style. But something stopped me. My hood had become ensnared! So I twanged the barbed wire off of it and I was FREE! Well sort of.

The beautiful meadow.

I was now in a beautiful meadow full of grass and vibrant yellow flowers. But I was also now trespassing. Plus, as I walked the distance between the road and me became wider, meaning I was walking deeper into private land, and perhaps trouble.

Then a horrifying sound that made me shout, “Aaagggh!”

Had I been shot? No. It was just a couple of pheasants that I'd disturbed flapping their way out of the long grass. I felt like an idiot but at least no one was around.

I walked through into another field, this time using the conventional entry method of a gate, to see a bonfire in the distance. Civilisation! As I approached the bonfire it appeared to be a pile of burning shit. Or perhaps it was a previous trespasser? Anyway, it was clear there was a farm there at least, and the possibility of a road back to public land.

I was hoping nobody was around but was mindful of a Tony Martin incident happening so shouted a weak “Hello?” A few more paces and there he was, the farmer. As broad as he was tall and definitely not smiling at me welcomingly. I decided to blurt out my (true) story in the hope he wouldn’t call the police, or shoot me in the face.

“Where are you trying to get to?” he asked.

“I’m trying to get to the woods up there. I got stuck on the road and was in danger of getting hit by the traffic. So I had no choice but to go through the fence into your field.  I realise I’m trespassing. Sorry.”

“You’re not allowed in those woods, you’d get arrested straight away.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Where are you from?”

“Cheshunt. I’d seen the woods from the park and wanted to go and have a look.”

"Well, there is a footpath up the side of the wood but you’re not allowed inside them. It’s dangerous. They use them for shooting.”

“They probably shoot trespassers too,” I joked.

Not so much as a smirk from the farmer. I’d decided to turn back now anyway though; of the options of death by truck or angry farmer, neither was very appealing.

“What's your name?” I asked.

“Ince.”

“Ian. Nice to meet you.” (Or rather thanks for not shooting me.)

As I shook his huge, dirt-caked, sandpapery hand, I was just glad it wasn't clamped around my throat.

I stuck faithfully to the paths on the way home, shamefaced but laughing every now and then at what a misguidedly tenacious arse I can sometimes be.

ROFLMAO Episode One

No posting on here for a while but that's because I've been working hard on getting the sound design, music and editing done on this. ROLFMAO is a new radio comedy featuring the writing talents of Ewan Thomson, the acting expertise of Peter Halpin, Millie Reeves and John Hubbard (and Ewan himself) and the audio jiggerypokery of me, Ian Roullier (or should that be Tim/Bob?).

Episode one features the strenuous discussions over the show's theme music, an unsympathetic, superstitious policeman as well as radio's 'whackiest' DJ. Not to mention Vera Lynn and some dubstep.

Sit back, enjoy and allow yourself a chuckle.

UPDATED: Episodes two and three...

Episode two: Have you got thick?

Episode three: Behind the scenes at EastEnders, 24: Cardiff and an extremely embarrassing bus journey.

Funeral Songs

I was at a club night run by some friends recently when the DJ started playing a certain track. “I’ve always thought I wanted this tune played at my funeral,” I turned to my friend and said. He looked a bit bemused or maybe uncomfortable (after all, it’s hard to tell in a dark nightclub) that I should mention something so morbid but it got me thinking. While there are so many people out there opting for ‘Angels’ by Robbie Williams or Celine Dion’s ‘My Heart Will Go On’ as their swansong, I started thinking, ‘Why not choose something a bit different?’

So, while it may seem a bit morbid and I hope to remain on this mortal coil for a good 100 years longer, I came up with this list of potential songs I’d like played at my funeral. What would yours be?

1. Joe Smooth - ‘Promised Land’ This was the track that came on in the club. It’s very cheesy and about “angels up above” and may well have been written about Ecstasy (the drug) rather than ecstasy (the heavenly type) but it should bring a smile to people’s faces.

2. Future Sound of London - ‘Papua New Guinea’ In my opinion, the best dance track ever made. A bold claim but it’s my opinion and I’m standing by it. It’s danceable but uplifting, pumping but mellow and moves both feet and souls.

3. Aphex Twin – Untitled (also known as ‘Rhubarb’) A great believer that music without words can move people just as much, if not more than, a song with set, concrete lyrics, this is one of Richard James’ most beautiful ambient compositions. A track that proves you don’t need a song about love, angels or bunny rabbits to make people well up.

4. The Orb - ‘Blue Room’ This is a bit of a cheeky one but just as the Orb’s Dr Alex Paterson decided to take the piss by releasing a track that lasted just three seconds less than the legal 40 minute limit for a track to qualify for the singles chart (this rule has since changed several times), the full-length ‘Blue Room’ would preclude the need for any tributes, eulogies or any other words to be spoken during the service. Or for anything else to happen for that matter. The congregation could always sing along from their hymn sheets: “Owooowowooowowooowowooowawa”!

5. Moby – ‘Thousand’ A bit like playing Motorhead’s ‘Ace of Spades’, this 1,000 bpm monster is guaranteed to wake people up and should weed out anyone who’s just turned up to make up the numbers. A definite Marmite moment to split the crowd between ‘sitters’ and ‘quitters’.

'So, what do you do then?'

As anyone else does, I often get asked ‘So, what do you do then?’ by new people that I meet. The answer to this at the moment is a bit complicated and somewhat long winded but in short, I edit business to business magazines as a freelancer, I write freelance articles, largely about music but I also have a theatre review and a Norwegian curry feature under my belt, and I am a part-time MA Audio Production student at the University of Westminster.

The latter part of the equation seems to throw people; even good friends that I’ve tried to explain my studies to on various occasions. Audio production? So I make noises then? Well, doesn’t everybody (though perhaps not in polite company)?

I try to elaborate by saying that I’m studying how to produce sound for film, radio, animation, video games with some band recording and music making thrown in for good measure. This seems to suffice for some but I still get told, ‘I’m still not quite sure what you’re doing at uni,’ by people.

So, I have decided to break my extended blog silence to go through exactly what I’ve been doing over the past two years step-by-step, or at least deadline-by-deadline. This will then be followed up by a weekly blog report on how I’m faring with my major project – the deadline of which is just over two months away as I type this.

Assessment one: Group project – case study presentation on a music industry related business.

Deadline date(s): 29th November 2010.

It’s a shame that the MA in Audio Production started with a deadline for the least favourite/most-loathed module of the course, namely Entrepreneurship and Finance for Creative Industries. Why exactly this was, I will elaborate upon in a later blog, but for now, allow me to describe the assignment.

For this module, the MA Audio Production (MAAP) students shared classes with the Masters in Music Business Management (MMBM) students and lectures and seminars were carried out at one of the central London campuses (actually in Westminster rather than the bulk of the MAAP course which takes place in Northwick Park near Harrow).

This mix worked well for some and was disastrous for others but we were lucky to have been placed in a good quintet made up of three MAAP students, myself, Eric and Michael, and two MMBM students, Gordon and Joe. Everyone got on with each other, everyone attended the many meetings we set up to discuss the assignment and everybody pulled their weight.

The assignment itself was to analyse a music business of our choice. We initially went for Ninja Tune – an independent record label that I have a huge amount of respect for and a label that Joe had done an internship for.

Sadly, as they are a relatively small operation, they do not have to make their financial statements/accounts available to the public (something we really needed access to) so we were left with no choice but to opt for the glitzy clubland behemoth that is the Ministry of Sound (MoS).

We learned a lot from our research – most notably just how desperate MoS are to milk every last penny out of their brands having lent their name to airlines, radios, perfumes, clothes shops and tents. Oh, and they also run a club and release compilations and singles.

We interviewed an ex-employee who said the brand seemed to be heading for stormy waters and a look at the amount of hit singles and successful compilations they had churned out (or not) in the past year seemed to back this up.

Our take on this was that MoS needed to start getting more media-friendly, seen-and-heard artists as opposed to faceless keyboard thumpers on the label (people want the sky punching Guetta’s of the world nowadays, not the faceless techno bollocks of the past). This is something MoS has since done and they have lived to fight another day – although their flagship club in London still seems to be at risk of closure.

We all chipped in with creating the PowerPoint presentation, had a quick run-through it from start to finish on the day itself and then it came to the presentation proper and we seemed to get through it pretty well. No major screw-ups (unlike one of our classmates who arrived late, just as their group were in the middle of their presentation) and we all survived.

This may have been partially down to the fact that our fearsome, eye-rolling tutor (bad cop) wasn’t able to attend that day, leaving us with our other, more supportive tutor (good cop) and a friend of bad cop (deputy bad cop?) who were responsible for assessing us. This meant we didn’t have to hear the joyful words, “You have FAILED to mention…” and enabled us to sleep easy in our beds that night.

Not the most exciting start to life as an MA Audio Production student then, and it did little to allow me to brace myself for what was to come.

NEXT ASSESSMENT: Recording a band.

Originally posted on http://blog.ianroullier.com on 3 June 2012.

The Lana Del Dilemma

Have you heard that 'Video Games' track by Lana Del Rey?

Yes, unfortunately.

Why 'unfortunately'? It's a great piece of brooding pop if you ask me.

That may be so but have you seen the girl's lips?

What's that got to do with her music?

But they're huge!

I don't think they're big enough to affect her singing voice though, do you?

That's not the point. The point is they're fake, like she is.

That's a bit of a leap to make. But you still haven't answered why her enhanced lips make her music any less worthy?

Look, her videos are all made up of gritty cine film footage and her songs seem to be more authentic than your average pop songs but the fact she sings them through huge Botoxed lips shows that really she's just as fake as the rest of the pop industry. And she's got a false name.

A stage name you mean? Nothing new there is there?

No, but her management made it up for her.

Like many famous people's agents over the years? A stage name is hardly a new concept now is it?

Well, no, but with the lips as well, how can anyone take her seriously? Anyway, she came out of nowhere, it all seems so staged.

You mean she got millions of YouTube hits in a very short amount of time?

Yeah.

Like Keyboard Cat? 

Well...

Does that mean it's only OK to have a viral YouTube hit if you haven't had Botox? 

Well, no.

And you happen to be a cat? 

Look, you're being ridiculous now. All I mean is that it's very suspicious that she's just appeared on the scene from nothing.

So you think she faked her YouTube hits as well? Or perhaps her management sit there on YouTube every day bumping up the figures?!

Look, I'm not saying that.

What are you saying then?

I just don't like her.

And her music?

No. Well, I liked her music until I found out the whole back story.

What, that an American singer has had Botox, had the gall to come up with a stage name like thousands before her and happens to have had a huge viral YouTube hit?

It doesn't sound as bad when you put it like that. But the lips annoy me.

So surely you're the one being superficial and fake? Like anyone else it's surely her choice to do what she wants with her body? But you believe the fact she's done so makes her music invalid?

Well, yes.

So why don't people seem to hate Dolly Parton or Cher as much?

I don't know. There's always Michael Jackson.

Let's not go there. He had slightly more than a lip job.

Agreed.

So what about Lana Del Rey's music? You said you liked it but you were put off by her image or your perception of her personality?

Well, yeah.

Are Liam Gallagher, Van Morrison, Kanye West or Elton John nice people?

Not from what I've read in the media.

And does your perception of their personalities affect your enjoyment of their music?

That's different.

How?

Erm...

So would you say 'Video Games' is no longer a good song?

That's not what I said.

So what did you say?

That... Oh, I give up.

Originally posted on http://blog.ianroullier.com on 22 November 2011.

Chemical Brothers working on 1920s film soundtrack?

A bit of a scoop for this blog entry. I recently interviewed Adam Smith and Marcus Lyall, the duo behind the Chemical Brothers’ live visual sets which blew away Glastonbury and the Big Chill this summer.

When speaking to long-term Chems visuals collaborator, Adam, (who is also known as Flat Nose George and also directs Doctor Who), told me about a fantastic-sounding film project he’s currently working on with the ‘Brothers, Tom Rowlands and Ed Simons.

“Something we’ve been talking for years, long before they did Hanna, is I’ve got a film called Dope Girls which is all set in the twenties and I’ve got in development with Film 4,” he said. “I’m going to get them to do the soundtrack and record it in the way they record it but then we’re going to get a jazz band in and transpose it all to that. So you’ll have like a ‘Chemical Beats’-type tune done in a 1920s jazz style, so it’ll feel contemporary yet it’ll feel right for the time. It won’t stick out like when people do Marie Antoinette. When people put modern music on period stuff it’s sometimes a bit funny. It’ll be right yet it’ll be like, ‘Whoa,’ because it’s a very hedonistic scene. This film is all about the nightclub scene in the twenties. So they’ll be putting some music together to my pictures for that.”

So, if you find yourself flapping to the Chemical Brothers in the near future, remember you heard it here first!

In other Chemical Brothers-related news, Adam and Marcus revealed the idea they had when working on the 'Further' album of getting Tom and Ed to create music to their visuals; the complete inverse of the usual process.

Adam: “The first idea that Tom had for ‘Further’ was to give him visuals and he was going to make music to that but that didn’t happen in the end. It was something we talked about when they were making that album. It was like, ‘Why don’t you go and make some stuff and I’ll make some music.’ But it didn’t happen. It was a nice idea.”

Marcus: “I think it’s going to start happening, maybe with them, maybe with someone else; that whole idea that it’s not just an accompaniment [to the music] but the two things are absolutely interlinked.”

NOTE: I own the copyright to all of the above quotations, which were related to me directly during interviews. You must therefore request permission if you wish to use any of the above text or quotations. Contact: ian[at]ianroullier[dot]com

Originally posted on http://blog.ianroullier.com on 19 August 2011.

Where’s my money? What to do if you’re not being paid on time

The magazine I wrote about in my previous blog has now gone into administration leaving me over £600 out of pocket. This is of course hugely disappointing and something that I can ill afford financially. On top of this is the loss of what was a fantastic music magazine, contained well-informed, hype-free articles that, while being aware of trends, didn’t pander to them and had fantastic, professional staff.

Barring the Managing Director of course who I’m still yet to hear one nice word said about (most people warrant a ‘Nah, he’s alright’ from someone but not this bloke). Had he cared even five per cent as much as his staff, this may not have happened. Now they’re all out of jobs and there is a huge gaggle of unpaid freelances, who have helped him sell his magazine, out of work and out of pocket.

And just to reinforce what a one-sided ass UK company law is, he’s already set up another company (having saved one of his three magazines) which should buy him another few years of being an MD and not paying his writers. So he’s fine thankyouverymuch.

So, yes, I should have seen this coming from the lack of response to emails, the mounting unpaid invoices and ignored red statements I sent. And, yes, I should have acted sooner to take the matter to the small claims court. But I didn’t and now I’m poorer for it so what can you do if you find yourself in a similar situation?

How to get the money you’re owed:

1. Call, call and call again. Emails are easily ignored so get on the phone to the person responsible for paying you. Yes, you may come across as a pain in the arse to the accounts department but this is work that you have done and have not been paid for. If you were in a full-time position would you accept your boss not paying you your monthly salary? Of course not, and let’s not forget that the ebb and flow of money as a freelance makes your finances uncertain enough. Even if you’re only owed the money for a single invoice, chase it as soon as payment becomes overdue.

2. Speak to the editor. You may be locked away in your bedroom-based freelance ‘office’ but more often than not the person that commissions you shares the same office as, and hopefully commands some respect from, the person responsible for paying you. A word from them could speed up payment of your hard-earned fee and ensure you can pay the bills that month.

3. Stick religiously to payment terms. Under UK law you are entitled to payment within 30 days. Stay on top of this as you don’t want to create the impression that you’re one of the writers that’s happy to wait for payment. You did the work, you want your money! Email a statement of outstanding fees immediately (attaching relevant invoices) and follow up with a phone call. Most clients you work for will respect this nudge and pay immediately. Under the Late Payment of Commercial Debts (Interest) Act 1998, you can also charge 12 per cent PA on any invoices that are not paid within the 30 day period.

4. Withhold copy. You may fear that this will upset the editor of the magazine you are writing for but any editor worth their salt should understand that you work hard and deserve to be paid on time for your efforts. Without copy, there is no magazine; a fact that should resonate with the person responsible for paying your wages as the magazine also pays theirs. Call the editor to let them know that this is what you have been forced to do – some editors have little or no idea that their writers are not being paid so if you fail to tell them why you’re not sending your copy through, you’ll just look tardy and unprofessional.

5. Send a Letter Before Action (LBA). The clue is in the name. This is the first step towards starting court action to get the money you’re owed. The letter gives the company a fixed amount of time (usually 14 days) to respond before court action is instigated. See the links below for template letters or how to get a solicitor to send the letter for you on headed paper (this carries more weight and can cost as little as £2). 6. Court action*:

• Small claims court – once the LBA period has passed, then you can proceed with taking the company to court. This will initially cost you the court fees (which vary depending on the amount you’re claiming) but the defending company is liable to pay these if the case is settled in your favour. You are also able to charge the defending company interest on the money you are owed and claim this back.
• Winding up petition – any court action is risky if you want to keep the client but the chances are if you have to go to these lengths you’re probably just interested in getting your money back. You can apply for a winding up petition against a company which basically involves saying that if the company cannot pay its debts then it should no longer be trading. More information on winding up can be found here: http://www.businesslink.gov.uk/bdotg/action/detail?itemId=1073791109&type=RESOURCES

*IMPORTANT: Before taking court action, check to see if the company has already been placed in administration (see Companies House). If you begin court action while the company is going through this process, you may end up being liable for the court fees that you would normally reclaim as part of the settlement.

7. Contact the administrators. If the worst comes to worst and the company has been placed in administration (you can check this on the Companies House website) then you should contact the administrator (details also on Companies House) so that they can list you as one of the creditors. Be aware that your claim will come quite near the bottom of the list below those with larger claims such as suppliers. You may end up getting a token percentage of what you’re owed (say a penny for every pound you’re owed) and may well end up with nothing but if the administrator doesn’t know you are owed money then they cannot account for you when it comes to handing out the money raised from selling the company’s assets.

Related links:

Companies House: http://www.companieshouse.gov.uk/

How To Get Paid On Time article on journalism.co.uk: http://www.journalism.co.uk/news-freelance/how-to-get-paid-on-time/s12/a51656/

Template letters and advice: http://www.justclaim.co.uk/index.php?file=/procedures/index.page

Thomas Higgins solicitors: http://www.thomashiggins.com/

Winding up petitions explained: http://www.businesslink.gov.uk/bdotg/action/detail?itemId=1073791109&type=RESOURCES

NOTE: I AM NOT A SOLICITOR and have no legal training. The above guidelines relate to the UK and are just that: guidelines that should not be taken as legal advice. If you have any queries about any of the above or are considering taking a company to court, please contact a solicitor. This need not be expensive and there are companies, such as Thomas Higgins, that specialise in this area and can complete the whole process relatively inexpensively.

Originally posted on http://blog.ianroullier.com on 13 August 2011.